Its a goodbye

Well,

As you (probably) would have (not) known, i have recently broke up with my long awaited girlfriend. How long did it take? i dont know, its about 4 years and 2 months.

Thats about 50 months

50 times, the moon rotated the earth

Enough time for an MT to reach Senior Executive level, just below a manager.

So, why did we broke up?

well to be honest with you, i dont really know.

Seriously.

I dont know.

But if i have to be honest, things have gone differently for the past a year or so.

She has graduated, even got into same company as me, went on to do something else. We were working person. No longer university student who has time and no pressure chocking your neck everytime you breath.

Then i moved away. Assignments outside java, east java, campus roadshow, city all over, you name it.

I got really tired. I was stuck in a hole, not finding enough energy for romance.

We do still meet once in a while among all those me being away. And i do have to tell you, she was a bit different. When you've been with a same person for so long, you can tell that the person is different.

I am an insensitive person. Very insensitive. But even i can tell that she was trying her hardest to put up with me. To smile. To be nice. To be the lovable person she ever is.

When our eyes meet, its just different. There was no cheery eyes anymore. No dillated pupil signifying happiness. No awkward shy she makes when she blush every now and then. It seems that, the hope was gone. The hope that i see in her eyes was dimming. It gradually went away, and aggravated by the fact that we were away for so long.

And my insensitivity

Un-romance

Selfishness

and pretty much the kind of stupidity you'll find in 9 years old kid

I was terrified.

Anyway, back to story, i came back to Jakarta at the start of September. Until now, we've met twice, had a movie, brunch, the usual couple stuff. I only didnt see her last week, because i went away to bandung. And we broke up today.

I kinda knew this would happen someday. The gap was widening each and every seconds, and i was the number one suspect. I was just hoping, hoping that the hope in her eyes wont die down.

It did.

I wrote something about the Energizer Bunny a while ago. I always think it was her. The never say die bunny, who keeps up with me on everything i do. I was counting that the battery will stay alive, the hope will stay alive, right until im gonna propose to her next year.

But as we'd all come to have known, it died.

The energizer bunny stopped moving.

It didnt bang the drum anymore, nor moving about energetically. It has reach its end.

And so when she told me that we have to walked our separate path from today, i knew that was the time. She knew it was the time. Our time was up.

Maybe it was peer pressure, maybe it was family pressure, maybe it was all the other 1 million pressure, doesnt realy matter now does it?

I told her at the start of our relationship, if you find a better person than me, then so be it. If you think our relationship is going nowhere and you wanted a break up, then so be it. I wasnt a fan of "putus nyambung" relationship. If she wanted a break up, i will say yes no matter what the situation were. I didnt want a break up is used just as a threatening device.

It can only happen once.

Its a one way street from here, and there is no going back.

She knew, i knew, and so here we are.

About 50 months since that day we got together, we have finally closed the book. Almost a happy ending, but yeah, stuff happens.

so, wherever you are now, i wish you the very best of luck. You have been, certainly, glorifies my life, done a hell of a job to put up with me, and most importantly, always there for me.

Which is something that i cant say the other way around.

In the mean time, as madness from muse would say, i will try to find that person, who will come on to me, trust in a dream, and will come to rescue me from this hole.

So long, dearest.


It has been, a wonderful......journey. I apologize for making you feel miserable.

Sincerely.




ps: Yes i do wanted to get married (almost) next year. You'd be surprised how much and how often i contradict myself every now and then.