Recently, a friend of mine moved away.
Away as in resigning from the company. Being in HR for quite a while now, i learned a thing or two about resignation. You only gonna missed about 10% of them :p
But that's not the reason why i wrote this post.
When my friend moved away, one of the reason she said was that because she was tired and wanted to take a break. The other reason was because she couldnt find a boyfriend.
No, seriously.
Jokingly, she asked me how i managed to find my, practically, fiancee, so quick and how did i managed to sum up the courage and just know that she is the one is such short period of time?
Its actually a pretty good question this. It has been asked on many occasion, both to me and my lady, endless of time.
The answer, as usual, is not that simple.
You see, as i have wrote before, we have actually known each other for about 3 years now, right when i joined Nestle
What you didnt know was, there was something when we first met.
Sorry, something when we saw each other.
Back when i didnt know who she was, back when i was only able to look at her through the glass door, and when i accidentally called her to arrange an interview. I simply didnt know who she was.
There i was, talking to my future wife and i didnt even know it was her. It was like some sort of episode from our fav show, How I Met Your Mother.
At that time i thought it was a crush, at that time she thought it was just a crush too. We were both in a relationship at that time. A long relationship. I was only in about 2 or 3 years relationship, she was in about 3 or 4 years.
We didn't like the idea of cheating. So it was a case of struggling to hide each others feeling when we managed to catch a glimpse of each other, or even a small chat. We were trying to just bury the feeling deep, hoping it was just a silly crush, it'll die down.
Cmon, you must have experienced it too havent you? That attractive person you met that made your head blank and your heart beating fast? that, usually lasts 5 seconds on me. Then i forget the person.
This, lasted 2 years.
Regardless on how we felt to each other, we just couldnt see any way of us could be together. We thought,
"Hey, we are in a relationship already. A long one. So this person that im with now must be the right person for me"
Which is why we didnt have any courage or will to fight with the feeling. We succumb to reality. Nothing fancy. Nothing fancy.
I remembered, i asked this one question to God.
"Dear God, in parallel universe, i hope there is a version of me and her, that will be together. Together from the start. To look each other in the eye and say that i love you everyday. Everyday for the rest of our life, until we get old. Together keeping each other warm and happy. Together being the piece that was missing from each other....together ever after"
I was hoping that i could see that version of Iqbal, and i could say to him.
"You fuckin lucky bastard"
and then i closed the door again. Closed my feeling. When one moment came.....
I was away for about 6 or 7 months from Jakarta, and i received news from her that she's planning on getting married. Later i found out that it was same case as me, "Just following the flow". Thinking whoever we were together at that moment were the right one for us.
I remembered at that time i looked up the sky, i thought i have seen the sign. This is the sign that i shouldnt do anything silly. This is the sign to move on. So i followed on her footstep, and starting to planning on getting married myself.
It was as if we looked at each other, smiled bitterly and walked a separate way. Secretly still trying find way to hold hands togeher.
At that time, a new single from Muse came. It was, Madness.
At that time, it was like a thunder just struck me. Basically the lyrics goes:
"I cant get this memories out of my mind, like some kind of madness is started to evolve"
"I tried so hard to let you go, but some kind of madness, swallowing me whole"
Thats Muse. The no 1 band that i worship in my life. Thats Matt Bellamy there, talking to me. Giving a bloody life advice. Then he drops me a question.
"Now, i need to know is this real love? or is it just madness, keeping us afloat"
F* Me.
then after the solo guitar,
Now, i have finally seen the end. And im, not expecting you to care. That i have finally seen the light. And i have finally realised....
I need your love
I just totally lost it there. The sound of Bellamy dramatic build up just got me.
Why? why at this moment? Why i asked?
The answer came a bit later. Later when i broke up with that person whom in How I Met Your Mother, would be called, the bitch. Like seriously, who would want to marry their brother? or their sister? brother and sister love (you know, those silly thing 5th graders do) is pretty much disgusting. Why would you be attracted to your sister? or brother? And then do.....that.....thing....emm....Yuck.
Aside, when she gave me the news of the broke up, i stopped. Thinking about everything. All this sign. All this madness.Then i pretty much said, just go.
Just damn go
The lesson here is, even though you tried so much to suppress your feeling to someone, even though you still try to d the right thing and not to cheat, even though you even planning on marrying them,
You just cant hide your feeling to God
He'll listen to your deepest desire, to what you really wanted. And when you sincerely want it, he will make the universe help you get it.
You just need to have faith
So, i broke up. And accidentally, i suddenly had to came alone to family day like 2 days later. Well i had one seat, and those seat are now vacant.
And there i saw her. Smiling. As beautiful as she always been. Like how i always see her through that glass door. She was singing, to some band she doesnt really like at first.
She was singing to Naif.
Which is like, the 2nd band i worship after Muse.
Dear God, how many signs are you gonna give me now eh? *fist bump*
Then comes the reality.
I tell you what folks, there is nothing much gloomier than thinking that the love of your life is getting away from you. That the love of your life is gonna married someone else. That you suddenly realised that you are maybe too late.
That you could have done this....
Done that...
But no, Iqbal Satrio Nindito, you are late.
But then again, faith.
Have faith in God's plan. Have faith. You know he will give you the best.
The next moment, if i can be a movie director for a second, goes a bit like this:
"Imagine a scene, where someone interrupts a wedding, spectacularly. Goes on to give the most romantic speech ever about how he love the bride. And that he wished them success. But the bride then goes on to run and live happily ever after with that asshole who interrupts the wedding"
But thats movie. There was no wedding. Let alone the one that i interrupt in real life (im not that crazy, yet). There was no romantic speech from me (its me, seriously. Romantic?), but i am an asshole. So yeah.
*yes, im doing this because if i wrote how we finally got together, i will need 10 blogpost for it. The movie illustration is just, well, illustration*
And here we are now. Planing our own wedding (coming very soon). Amidst of all our crazy works.
Are we wrong? dont know
All we know is, we still have a chance. To make everything right. To start again.
We know each other pasts. We know each other. We think in a same crazy manners. My families love her families. Her families love my families. We all got along so well together. And here we are.
If i can just close this with one or two things, its that,
Marriage is a serious thing. Dont ever ever ever get married just because of situation. We ended up together, because we didnt want any other feeling disturb us when we got married. We want it to be pure. Pure of someone that you married.
Marry the right person. At the right time.
Its easy to say, its hard, it makes you questions things a lot, but as you can see from this blogpost,
Its all worth it :)
p.s: if you getting married, but still deeply thinking of someone else, take my word and go for it. If you love the first one, why would you fell for the second one? :p
